Saturday, July 31, 2010

This just in.............

It's been another long while since my last entry and as long as the kids are out of school, I'm afraid that's just the way it's going to be. A lot has happened since last time so I think this entry will just be a fill-you-in kind of thing with what's going on with me and the family. Which could get lengthy, but we'll see! Grab a snack or a drink just in case;)

I have enrolled to start school again this fall. I'm super excited but a little nervous as well! All of the kids are going to be in school this year. My baby is going to Kindergarten which makes me cringe to even think about it. So this Momma needs something to do with her time to keep herself busy and something that will better the entire family in the long run! I never completed my education and it's something that has bothered me since. I know if I don't do this it will eat at me eternally! Ok, well just as long as I'm here on Earth. It's not going to ruin my heavenly experience. I owe this to myself and my kids! I'm not an idiot and am actually smart when I apply myself. I didn't even try in high school and I still came out with a 3.0 GPA so I know I can do this! And let me add that I regret not trying harder! If I only had the sense I have now back then! Hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? I think mine may be even better than 20/20!

(Anyone who knows me and is reading this can keep their comments regarding my intelligence to themselves! I know I haven't always used my intelligence and boy have I paid dearly for it! )

On another note, I had to go to court this week and face my ex because he's not been paying his child support. Fun!(insert a massive amount of sarcasm right here!) I'm not talking about not paying here lately but not ever paying! It's over eleven thousand dollars past due. I'm not one of those women who are being fussy over a missed month or a late payment. This is substantial! After some prayer and much needed encouragement from friends and family my nerves were settled and I gave it to God and told Him I trusted that He was over it and that His will would be done regarding the matter. I have to go back again in August to find out the end results so I'm still praying! I get so frustrated when it comes to dealing with this stuff. I was not meant to have a life with him. I didn't let God put me where He wanted me. And because of this I have paid dearly. Do not misunderstand what I'm saying. I have two beautiful healthy children out of this relationship and I would NOT trade anything for them. I was not in God's will when I had them though. So dealing with an ex and child support is also part of me paying for my sin. It's a high price to pay. God still used my situation and the mess I made of my life and brought good out of it. I thank Him daily for Jeff and the life we share and our marriage. It's humbling to think of what disregard I had for God and how He's blessed me still. Everything happens for a reason and I see that more everyday and understand that more with each year that passes. Oh the knowledge that my mind has gained in ten years! I can't imagine what another ten will bring, Lord willing. My head may explode! LOL

In regards to my last entry about the homeless in the community things are still as they were then. I've arranged an appointment with the local director of our Mission ,that gives assistance to needy families. He is coming to our church to speak about the homelessness problem here in our community and what we can do. I'm hoping this is a start to something great for our community and our church. The need is there. If every church would call him and arrange a time, he would be willing to talk to them all about how they can help. He told me he would. I just wonder how many would make that call.

I hope you all have a great week, or month or whatever length of time it ends up being before I get to write again!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Here I am Lord, send me.......(I think)

Ok, so it's been a while I know. I've been a busy body this last week and have ran like a mad woman! It's been fun but also tiring!

At my church I teach the K-5 Sunday school class. This is huge for me, and a great responsibility that I feel God has called me to do. I consider it a great privilege to be teaching, and to be quite honest I'm learning as much as the children are. I prayed about God using me in the church and it opened up for me to be able to do it and I'm just amazed on the regular at how God works! I challenged my kids in my first class to be thinking of different ways we could reach out to the community and to others in our church. Right away they mentioned feeding the poor and not just adults but the kids that are affected by hunger.

That is what got this ball rolling.

I typed up a letter and posted it at church and we started collecting food items that kids would enjoy to donate to our local food pantry. It's been a success. I called and spoke to a man at our food pantry and told him of our plans to donate the food items. I also asked him if he would be able to speak to the children a little bit about hunger and how it affects our community and how we can help. He was more than glad to do that, and then I asked him what were some other needs they had and what else we could do to help.

I was NOT prepared for the answer.

Turns out the growing need for our community is a homeless shelter. My heart sank and my mouth literally went dry and I asked him to repeat what he had just told me. Our town is small. The biggest thing here is a Dollar Store and a Rite Aide. There aren't many jobs available in our community, but do we need a homeless shelter? I never see anyone out on the street sleeping! If this were a problem or need wouldn't someone be doing something about it? This is not something that has been in any newspaper in our community or on any online paper in our community. This is a county that has numerous churches and resources within those churches to help.

I can't help but think of the Casting Crowns song "If We Are the Body" when I think of this. Here is the chorus:

If we are the body

Why aren't His arms reaching

Why aren't His hands healing

Why aren't His words teaching

And if we are the body

Why aren't His feet going

Why is His love not showing them there is a way

There is a way

Guys I don't know what to do. I'm only one person. I feel like that God is pushing me to do something, but I'm not sure what. I've never heard God audibly speaking to me. It's more like a strong feeling I get when I'm asking Him about something or for something. Sometimes I ask God for stuff and as soon as I ask I get the answer in my heart. I'll feel it.

Does this make any sense to anyone??

I feel like God's calling me into something but I'm not 100%. It's something that is weighing on my heart and I can't get it off my mind. It's something that I know is greater and bigger than me, but at the same time as I am typing this my heart is telling me Philippians 4:13 and it's not just telling me it's yelling it to me. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me!

I am reminded of ways that people helped me in my life in great times of need. I'm afraid to name them all because I know I would leave someone out. (You all know who you are and I am forever grateful to each and every one of you!)

I've been in a place of need.

It's awful and it feels worse than awful. There was a time when my youngest son was a baby that his dad and I couldn't afford anything. That was largely due to the fact that he was a drug addict and all his money went elsewhere. I shouldn't have stayed as long as I did but I felt like I could change him. I felt like I was enough to make him better and that our child would be enough to make him better.

Better never came.

I've been told that sometimes you can't see the forest for all the trees. That's the only way I can describe why I stayed. Without my Mom during that time I honestly can say that I would have had nothing. When I was a kid growing up my mom's sister, my Aunt Penny, never had much. She never could afford nice things or great big gifts for me and my cousin Katie. But I'll never forget the very best birthday of my life and the gift she gave me. She had a good job and was doing better than she ever had. On my 20th birthday she drove 2 hours to my house with a truck bed FULL of groceries and laundry detergent and cleaning stuff and diapers and wipes and everyday things that we take for granted a lot of times. That was my birthday present from her and it was perfect in every way. The biggest and best present that she hauled in the back of that truck was HOPE. I had all but lost it, but she had a load of it for me.

I want to be that for someone else. I want people to know that even in the bleakest of situations hope is not gone. When you lose hope, you've lost a lot. Since I have a relationship with Christ my hope no longer rests in this world. What an awesome unexplainable feeling knowing that my hope is not in this world!! However, as a Christian, it is mine and all Christians duties to be that hope for others. They are supposed to see Christ in us. Lord help me because I don't know about you all, but I'm not very Christ-like!! I ask each one of you that read this to evaluate yourself. You all are not alone in this! Believe you me .....I am doing some heavy duty evaluating of myself!

But lets ask ourselves If we are the body, why aren't we going?
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